Fear Is Limiting Your Full Potential - Don't Let It

Date: November 15th, 2017

Filed under: Anxiety

Fear. We know the feeling – tight chest, sweaty palms, short breaths and rapid heartbeat. It is an essential part of the animal instinct to survive. It protects us from fighting a predator we can’t beat, and from stepping into potentially dangerous, unknown territory. Where does it come into play in the modern world? In the modern world, fear is not always the protective instinct it was intended to be.

Danger doesn’t have to be present to elicit a fear response. People have imaginative minds, and we quickly learn to recognize stimuli we believe will bring an unwelcome response. Have you ever been nervous to complete a task, and when you complete it you realize the danger you feared wasn’t even present? What happened was an imagined fear; as a form of protection your body responded with a fear response. That’s not uncommon.

Fear can be rooted in a variety of stimuli. It is most commonly rooted in one of the following concerns: Being wrong, not being good enough, missing out, or being victimized. Without question, many people will avoid those outcomes if possible. But does the desire to avoid them outweigh the potential benefits you’re missing out on? If you weren’t afraid of being wrong, would you speak up more often? If you weren’t afraid of being good enough, would you pick up that hobby you’ve always wanted to do? In a modern world, fear can manifest in ways that limit us from our potential.

The good news is that you’re not stuck. Just as fears can be learned, they can be unlearned.

  1. Acknowledge the fear – This is an important first step to overcoming a fear that is holding you back. The more specific the better. If a whole situation is causing fear, it can be hard to pinpoint the specific thing that is causing it. Ask yourself why you have made the choices you have and be honest with yourself about the thing you’re shying away from.

  2. Question the fear – Once you’ve pinpointed the fear, it is time to question it and the actions it has caused. What has it held you back from completing? How have your actions come across to others? Not participating in that business meeting may have come across as aloof, not nervous about being wrong. Ask yourself where it is coming from and where you would like to be if this fear wasn’t present.

  3. Determine your move – What was your answer when you asked yourself where you wanted to be? Go there. Here’s the key: This move is about you. No one else needs you to make this move more than you do, so your plan should align with your own values. Think of the answers you’ve come up with so far and go from there.

  4. Make your move – Go ahead, take that step. Remember when you learned how to ride a bike and you couldn’t believe that gravity would let you stay upright until you took off the training wheels and successfully rode that bike? Sure, the fear of not being good enough was present, but it turns out you were good enough. Remember that and remember you are good enough.

Seasonal Depression

Date: September 24th, 2017

Filed under: Tips

In the last week we have experienced a sharp contrast in weather, from hot and smoky to cool and damp, indicating an abrupt entrance into autumn. This means the days will be getting shorter and the skies grayer – something that can trigger Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), often referred to as seasonal depression.

The change in weather may also mean a necessary change in personal care if you experience seasonal depression. While there are actions you can take to diminish your symptoms on your own, seeking professional advice is a good step.

What does SAD look like?

Seasonal depression feels much like year-round depression and include feelings of anxiety and dejectedness, loss of energy, sleep problems, and mood changes. SAD symptoms can be just as strong as other forms of depression and should not be overlooked.

What can you do?

  1. Seek Light The short days of the winter months means less sunlight. Less sunlight means less serotonin, which means higher risk of depression. Some therapies encourage using a sun-simulating bright light to help regulate hormone levels, but any exposure to sunlight you can give yourself may be beneficial.

  2. Exercise Endorphins released during exercise can help counteract the lack of serotonin and can increase levels of happiness, confidence, and feelings of accomplishments.

  3. Talk to a Therapist While there are many things you can do to take care of your body and your mind, seeking help from a professional can let you target the specifics of your experience. Not all treatments are suitable for every person, and a therapist can help you determine the best route forward. ¬

Relationship Tips for Parents with Young Children

Date: May 18th, 2017

Filed under: Kids

Parenting young children can be a joyous experience, but there’s no denying that it’s a lot of work. Done right, though, it doesn’t have to take a toll on your marriage.

Date Each Other

A weekly date night can be a lifesaver. It doesn’t have to break the bank: Cheap and simple dates are easy to maintain over the long run, so find a sitter you trust, and take time to just be with your partner. Don’t be afraid to try new things during your date nights. Some couples find that the routine of daily life can sap energy and enthusiasm, and doing new things together adds an element of fun, excitement, and yes, even romance.

Check In Daily

Check in with each other every day. Take five minutes to share your high and low point from the day, so you can celebrate and/or offer support. Some couples find that an early bedtime for the kids helps with this, but whenever you choose to do it, make sure it happens. Doing so will ensure that the two of you connect at least once during the day, and that you share something meaningful and personal—not just talk about who needs to pick up the kids from preschool.

Work Together

Studies have shown that most tensions between parents of young children arise from disagreements about the work load. One or both parents may become tired or feel that they have the hardest job and their partner doesn’t understand everything they do. Oddly enough, taking a few minutes to work together, even it’s just doing the dishes or folding laundry, can ease resentment over who does the most work.

It’s a balancing act, but by focusing on your partner and making your relationship a priority, you can make it stronger than ever, and grow closer through the ups and downs of family life.

Mindfulness for Managing Stress

Date: May 18th, 2017

Filed under: Anxiety

Mindfulness is a technique that combines awareness of mind and body with control of mind and body. It involves being in the moment and accepting the existing state of things without judgment. With a little research and self-discipline, you can train yourself to practice mindfulness to help you manage stress.

Although it can take a while to train yourself to be fully mindful, getting started is easy, and mindfulness will come more naturally with consistent practice. The great thing about mindfulness is that you can do it anytime, anywhere. Ready to get started? Put yourself in a position in which you are both comfortable and alert, and focus on your breathing.

Do a mental scan of your body. Start at your head and move down to your toes. Focus on each body part, paying attention to how they feel.

Now that you’re aware of your body, put it in the moment by focusing on your senses. Be aware of what your body is seeing, smelling, etc., and accept those things for what they are.

Focus on your thoughts. Don’t think about anything in particular, just allow the thoughts to flow through your mind. Acknowledge them and any emotions that come, but don’t follow them. If you find yourself getting carried away with a thought, refocus on your breathing. The idea is to separate yourself from your thoughts and emotions: to be aware of them, but in an impartial way, so you can also separate yourself from their stress.

As you continue to practice, you will become more comfortable with mindfulness, and will be able to be mindful even when you’re active: at work, eating a meal, taking a walk, etc. Taking time each day to be fully in the moment and to be aware of what’s going on in your mind without judging it can put things in perspective, help you slow down, and reduce stress both temporarily and long-term.

Trauma and Healing

Date: March 21st, 2017

Filed under: Trauma

Healing from emotional or psychological trauma is just as important—and doable—as healing from physical trauma. It can be a confusing journey though, so here are some important steps you can take to facilitate the healing process:

Take it one day at a time. Recovery of any kind is a big job, and can feel overwhelming if you are focused only on the enormity of the task. Zero in on small things you can do each day—walking, expressing yourself through art or journaling, or reading an inspiring book—to help you find happiness. If a day goes badly—and some days will—recognize that you have a fresh start tomorrow.

Make and maintain connections with people. Good relationships help us combat the tendencies towards isolation that can come with trauma, and are a great source of strength. Let people you trust in on your feelings so they can better understand what you’re going through and what you need. Take time to play, work, laugh, and find common interests with others.

Lastly, look outwards. It sounds counter-intuitive, but sometimes healing takes place when we concentrate on helping others. You may want to do something formal, like volunteering with an organization that supports a cause you feel strongly about; or you might want to do something with more flexibility, like calling someone who could use a boost.

Whatever you choose to focus on, have faith in yourself and know that your mind and heart have the ability to heal, just as your body does.

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